I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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