I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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