She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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