If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
