I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
