dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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