her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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