The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
