Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
