wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
