you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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