ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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