Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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