Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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