dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
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We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
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Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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