We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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