whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
