ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
