I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
