Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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