She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
