one word: firstdatebathroomanal
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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