He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
