I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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