i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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