Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
