i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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