I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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