we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The Olympian is in my bed
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
