you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
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