Define "chronic" masturbator.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I want you more than these girls want KFC
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
