I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
