I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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