the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
