He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
