I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
