You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
