I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
