dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
