I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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