once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
