At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
