You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
