THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
