Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Everyone says I win the strip club
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
