The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
