batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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