she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you didnt know i had herpes?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
