I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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