I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Randomize
