I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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