Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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