It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
