So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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