the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
