i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize