Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
