i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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