I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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