I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
