what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
