I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Actions speak louder than pants.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well I just put wine in my tea
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
