I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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