i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
