So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
