get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
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you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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