I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
