he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
