my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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