i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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