I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
