his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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