I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
