i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
